Leading Yourself First

Welcome to Lesson 1 of 4 in Leadership Foundations. It takes about 15 minutes.

Most of us picture leadership as something done to other people: giving direction, running a meeting, being in charge. This lesson starts somewhere else. Whether or not you have a title, leadership begins with leading yourself: your temper, your habits and your word. You will rate yourself honestly and choose one small discipline for the week.

Scripture comes from the King James Version. This is a course for learning and practice, and it cannot promise particular results.

In this lesson you will

• Explain what leadership is and is not, and why it begins with leading yourself.
• Describe how self-control and personal example, as Scripture shows them, shape the trust others give us.
• Rate how well you lead yourself today and choose one small daily discipline.

Before you start

How true is each of these for you today, from 1 (not true) to 5 (very true)?

• I keep the promises I make to myself.
• My moods do not decide how I treat the people around me.
• People could follow my example in the way I work.

1. What leadership is, and is not

Leadership is influence: people choose to follow you, trust you or copy you. A title can give you authority, but it cannot make people follow willingly.

So leadership is not:

• A position. Many people with titles are not followed; many people without titles are.
• Being loud or in charge. Quiet people often lead best.
• Something for later. You lead the moment someone watches how you work.

Here is the hard part: nobody leads others further than they have led themselves. A supervisor who is always late cannot ask for punctuality. A parent who shouts cannot teach calm. People follow what they see more than what they hear.

Think about it: Who in your life follows your example, even without a title: a sibling, a colleague, a child, a friend?

Try this week: This week, notice one moment when someone copies how you work or speak. Write down what they copied.

2. A city without walls

In the ancient world a city's walls were its protection. Proverbs uses that picture for a person.

Proverbs 25:28 (KJV) 28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

No rule over his own spirit. That is the person whose temper, appetite or mood can be set off by anything. A leader like that is hard to follow: the team learns to watch his face before speaking.

Self-control is a set of small habits, not a personality type:

• Notice the trigger. What reliably sets you off: tiredness, criticism, being kept waiting?
• Name it. "I am frustrated" is already a step back from it.
• Delay the response. A breath, a walk, a night's sleep before the email.

Imagine a shop supervisor who snaps at staff every time a delivery is late. One week he decides to say nothing for five minutes after hearing bad news. By the end of the month, his team brings him problems early.

Think about it: What gets past your walls most easily: anger, worry, appetite, discouragement, or something else?

Try this week: Each time your usual trigger comes this week, name what you feel and wait five minutes before you respond.

3. Small promises, kept

Paul told a young leader that his age was no barrier, if his life set the pattern.

1 Timothy 4:12 (KJV) 12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Be thou an example. Trust starts with the promises we make to ourselves. "I will be at my desk by eight." "I will not open my phone in bed." Each one kept builds trust in our own word, and others notice.

Start smaller than you think. A discipline you keep for thirty days beats a grand plan dropped after three. When you miss a day, start again the next morning without drama.

Take stock of four areas that cover most of self-leadership: your spirit (temper and mood), your body (rest, food, movement), your people (family, friends, team) and your work (skills and promises).

Think about it: Which small promise to yourself do you break most often?

Try this week: Choose one daily discipline small enough to keep every day for the next seven days, and tick it off each evening.

Activities

Reflection

• Who first showed you what leading yourself looks like? What did they do?

Key takeaways

• Leadership is influence, not a title.
• Nobody leads others further than they have led themselves.
• Self-control is a set of small habits: notice, name, delay.
• Small promises to yourself, kept daily, build trust in your word.

Your next step

You have finished Lesson 1. You are on the path of growth: you have rated how you lead yourself and chosen one daily discipline.

These lessons help you lead yourself. To keep growing, KMA offers two next steps:

Mentorship. Grow with a KMA mentor who helps you lead in real situations and follows up with you on what you tried. See KMA's mentorship packages. See the mentorship packages

Or: the Leadership Track (monthly Learning membership). Prefer to learn on your own first? The Leadership Track turns leading yourself into leading others: pitching without a budget, solving real problems and building your network. See the Leadership Track